Monday, December 14, 2009

McDonald's

Written by Jillian Tyrer
Reposted with permission

2 friends meet at the park.....

Sue, sitting with her 2 overweight kids: Kelly! OMG! Hi! How are you???? Come, sit here!

Kelly: Ya sure! How are you? Wow, your kids are soooo...... uh.... they're really growing..... wow!

Sue: Ya...... they're big boned like their Dad. They were both born big. I can never seem to keep enough food around! Hahahahaha. I mean I admit it, I'm so tired all the time that we probably eat out about 4 or 5 times a week. That's all they'll eat is Hamburger Palace...... I put carrots and pasta and God forbid, broccoli, in front of them and they scream and cry until I give in and go to the drive thru. Hahahaha.

Kelly: Uuummmm.... ya.... hahahahahaha....... Funny, because you're so tiny...... like, you look like you take care of yourself. I'm surprised you eat at Burger Palace.

Sue: Are you kidding? I don't eat there! I get it for the kids; it's just so much easier.... I don't have to listen to all the crying and the fussing and their tummies are full. That's all that matters, ya know.....

Kelly: Uh, right..... listen Sue, I don't mean to be rude here, but you know my husband is a food inspector, right?

Sue: Yesssss......

Kelly: Well, his department just released a study on the quality of the meat that Burger Palace uses in their hamburgers and let's just say that it's not the 100% pure beef they say they use.

Sue: What are you trying to say Kelly?

Kelly: I'm trying to say that Burger Palace says their burgers are made with 100% pure beef. Which, technically, I guess they are. But it is bits of 100% pure beef mixed with lots and lots of, shall we say, non beef products. You know, like really fattening fillers like modified corn fillers and saturated shortening. Plus, my husband told me that they've switched to using this genetically modified hybrid cooking oil that has been linked to cancer!

Sue: Uh, Kelly, I'm not sure I understand where you're going with this.

Kelly: Oh, I'm just saying what he's found out about Burger Palace.... this investigation has been going on for a while and they've done lots of tests on the meat. You know they've followed many thousands of test subjects who eat there often and most of them have high cholesterol and could be classified as clinically obese. Isn't that awful? All from these horrible fillers and fats they add to the meat. Those poor people thought they were eating good old 100% pure beef. Guess not.

Sue: Are you trying to say my kids are obese? Cos that's what it sounds like you're saying.

Kelly: Uuumm, I'm trying to tell you what the studies say, Sue.

Sue: Ya, the studies say that people who eat there a lot are disgusting fat pigs and are all going to die of cancer. Thanks a lot Kelly! Who calls a kid a fat pig? Seriously! Who does that? Who wants little kids to die of cancer?

Kelly: What? I didn't call your kids fat pigs! I didn't say I want them to die of cancer! I said the research has shown that people who eat that food have a statistically higher chance of being overweight and developing cancer. That's not my opinion Sue, it's what the research has shown. Don't take it personally okay.

Sue: How can I not take it personally? I just hear you say all these bad things about my kids' favorite restaurant and I tell you I take them there all the time and then you try and make me feel guilty by spouting off this crap about obese-this and cancer-that. Nice. Nice friend you are......

Kelly: Sue, c'mon...... I just told you that stuff to give you a heads-up, in case you weren't aware..... I thought you might want to know what's in the food you give your kids. I mean, it might not be common knowledge so I thought you might want to be a bit more informed.

Sue: Oh, so now I'm stupid huh? So, I'm a crappy mother for making my kids fat and exposing them to cancer and now I'm stupid too???? You go around telling all your friends how bad they are as mothers? You go around making all your friends feel guilty?

Kelly: Okay, hold up...... I'm MAKING you feel guilty? All I did was tell you what's in the meat. That's it. I haven't said anything about what kind of mother you are. I figured you didn't know because you bring the kids here so often, so I wanted to fill you in. That's all.

Sue: I don't need anymore of your fancy "filling in", thanks Kelly. My kids JUST had doctor's appointments and he said they are super healthy and strong. Ya, maybe a bit pudgy because we don't do tons of sports, but the doctor didn't say anything about not giving them Burger Palace. He's a doctor, you know. I trust him way more than you and all your "filling in", okay......... What am I supposed to do? I mean, that's all they eat, okay? They WON'T eat other foods! So, either I starve them or give them cancer burgers? Great! So, I'm a bad Mom for feeding my kids.... lovely..... thanks for all the great information, Kelly. Thanks a lot for making me feel like the worst mother on the planet!

Kelly: Just thought I'd help........................... guess not.................

4 comments:

Amy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Amy said...

Unfortunately, there are a lot of "Kelly"s out there.

Reverend Boony said...

It aint the "kellys" I have a problem with...

Its the shallow self centered "sues" that would rather take the easy way out than to do right by their kids that tends to drive me nuts.

While I like mcdonalds, I thought that was a good analogy to what happens when you try to educate some folks about the dangers of formula.

Amy said...

Oops, I meant sue's
I agree with you.