Written by Jillian Tyrer
Reprinted with permission
Breakfast table, 8 am.......
Dad, reading the paper: "Hey, honey.... have you read this yet?"
Mom: What's that dear?
Dad: Ya, this article on the tainted orange juice...
Mom: What orange juice? Not the orange juice I drink every morning! Steve, tell me it's not the orange juice I drink every morning!
Dad: Uuummmm, lemme see here..... it's called Orange Sunshine concentrated juice. Ya, wow.... it's like, contaminated with e.coli. And even worse, they say that if you have been mixing it up with tap water, it increases the levels of all these bacterias. Man hun, you better throw that out!
Mom: Son of a bitch! I have been buying that juice for years. I love that juice! The company just gave me all these coupons and stuff! I have 6 or 7 cans in the freezer right now. What am I supposed to do with it now?
Dad: Uuuumm, Kate, honey...... you could squeeze fresh oranges and have the real thing.......
Mom: All that work! What do I look like here, Steve? Do you think I'm some sort of superwoman that has all this time on her hands to be able to squeeze oranges all day? Tell ya what, smart mouth.... how about I quit my job and you can pay me a nice fat paycheque to sit around all day squeezing your precious oranges.
Dad: Kate, what do you think people did before frozen, concentrated orange juice came along in those handy little cans?
Mom: Lay off, smartass. I NEED that juice every morning! How else am I supposed to get vitamin C and fibre???
Dad: How about peel an orange? All the vitamins, all the fibre, all the good stuff and none of the bacteria. Oh, ya... and the best part, no chance of dying of e. coli poisoning. You know it's deadly right?
Mom: Ya, okay.... ya, I don't want to get poisoned. But what am I gunna do with all these cans? Oh, I know, I'll give it to the kids.
Dad: Well, it could poison them too..... you're concerned about your health but not their's?
Mom: Steve, I don't think you understand what I'm saying. That is good juice in that freezer. It cost a lot of money, okay. There are a lot of good vitamins and minerals and added stuff in that juice. The DOCTOR even told me to use that juice because it's got, like, stuff to help with eye development or something newfangled like that. Plus, my Mom used that juice when I was a kid and you don't see me with any sort of health problems, do you?
Dad: I am BEGGING you to throw it out, honey.
Mom: Are you trying to make me feel guilty or something, Steve? I sure hope you're not trying that, because if you do, we're going to have a lot of problems in this house. Josh! David! Come get some juice guys! You need the vitamins!